Breakdown of Family

Why do we keep the President and Vice President separate? Is it not for the protection of the country? This is so we will have a leader in the case of tragedy and one dies. In a family, the mother and father are equally important to the health of a family, and it is interesting to note that the tragedy of a parental death has less of an emotionally scarring impact on a child than abandonment.

Divorce or Abandonment is the trauma, not the loss.

Parents are important. They are the backbone of the family and if their marriage isn't  healthy, the kids aren't healthy. I think one thing that has been touted in our millennial ears that is indeed necessary , but also in a sense counterproductive is that divorced parents need to get along for the sake of their children. Now, before you go and shoot me with scriptures on forgiveness, I want to ask you why is this logic not promoted before the divorce? Many articles and counselors advise to flee an unhappy marriage. Do what makes you happy. Love yourself.

I have seen collaborative articles and interviews of "successful divorced parents." They split custody, bills, and responsibilities, and some new husbands become best friends with the dad and vice versa. Many of these children are elated that their parents are happy, they would not want to keep happiness from mom and dad and express confusion or sadness, and then dad totally approves of the new dude, and he is genuine , so the kid feels guilty for wanting this person out of their family.  So now, we have grown adults that grew up in these co-parenting, step-parenting situations, and when things get hard in their own marriage, they feel a tug of guilt almost if they went against the precedent their parents set.

I believe some don't even know they are doing that. I know we have all heard the young mama say "I was telling my mother not to put the baby on her stomach and she said, 'I did that with you and it didn't ruin you. Are you telling me I was a bad mother?'" The guilt trip for some is endless. The same goes for making decisions in relationships. Being pro-family just might mean going against what the generation did before us. It doesn't mean they were bad, or that we hold a grudge against them for making parental mistakes, because we all make mistakes; it just means they were misinformed, misguided, or deceived.

With the statistics on poverty for a divorced or single mother,  the propensity for drug use, promiscuity for young daughters, and incarceration and the same for sons without a father, we have to go back to the drawing board. Second marriages have a 60% chance of failing. Other studies put it at 80%. The lie we believe that says we will know better next time around is weak.

Christians divorce rate at 41% is almost the same as non believers. I see many people advocate for responsible pet owners. The discourse generally goes something like this "If you aren't willing to be with it for life, don't get it. Research the breed before you commit and see if you can handle it." I say the same goes for marriage.

The first break down in marriage was when Adam blamed God for his sin by giving him the woman. He had stated when God first gave her to him, that she was bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, but then when a test came he divided the one unit and called her" that woman." If spouses cannot come into agreement , the children suffer. Sara convinced her husband to go into an Egyptian woman to birth their son. This brought huge consequences. Rachel almost brought death upon the tribe of Jacob when she stole her fathers idols. Jacob had a favorite son and it caused his other brothers to despise him and almost murder him. Rebekah did not trust her husbands judgement to anoint the right son, and used deception to cause the brothers to fight and hate each other.

If there were any truth to the butterfly effect, the butterfly is marriage. Good bad or indifferent, a marriage in its simplest form has the possibility in this age or the next, to change the world for good or bad. The divorces in the 80's and 90's has produced a generation of people that don't want to marry, or go in it with the attitude of if it doesn't work, we'll divorce. The idea of anyone "controlling" us has made us non trusting and abandoning ship if the other doesn't agree, or running into the arms of someone that makes us "feel" free. Anecdotal stories in support of divorce, pop up saying "they were miserable people together, and now since the divorce they are so happy."  At what cost?

Many Christians that argue against homosexual marriage say kids weren't mean to have two fathers or mothers. But, then they commit adultery,  act selfishly and indulge in drugs or pornography, ruin the finances or any other vice that that causes a rift in the family and cause a break in their marriage. They refuse to let go of their idols and the other spouse has no idea what to do. Maybe both of them are seeking their worth at work and not investing in the realtionship, so when they have to make a withdrawal because they are bankrupt, they find there is nothing there. Time, attention and love was spent elsewhere, and the effort it takes to start over in the same relationship where hurt has been the norm is not so appealing when our culture says "BE happy."

Children weren't meant to have two fathers or mothers. Hetero or homo. They were meant to have a mother and father model commitment, perservearance  and selflessness throughout their lifetime. The more Godly marriages that happen, the more desirable marriage will be to the outside world. Start in your own marriage today. Don't use the "plan b" of ,"oh well if it doesn't work, no harm done; my parents divorced and are happy." Broken relationships influence how we relate to others in society on all other levels. If you can break covenant with someone you said you loved, how committed are you really going to be to God, your church, employers? IF you can't forgive a spouse, how are you going to be able to walk out forgiveness to a brother or neighbor? If you tell your daughter she is worth the fight but you are unfaithful or harsh  to your wife and throw away your marriage , what does that tell your little girl that adores you? If you tell your son that he should be looking for a lady that will lovehim like you love him, and you degrade your husband and fight him all the time, what kind of girl is your son going to look for?

Kids learn more by your life than your words.

Faith without works is dead.

If your marriage is being invested in like a car, then your children will look for disposable relationships. If is being invested in like it is your life's mission, then you will find your reward goes farther than your own marriage. You will see you children making wise choices on mates, and other families emulating them.  Wouldn't it be nice to have someone come ask you how to have such a happy family? You can change the world by representing heaven on earth in your family. It starts with healthy marriages not happy children. Stop neglecting the foundation to have pretty window sills.

If marriage has not been a priority, do an inventory. Audit how you treat each other and make a commitment that this is a battle you will win. The world is waging war against your marriage, and it is your responsibility to ensure it is protected. Ask the Lord to go with you on an inspection and reveal any weak parts.